What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
