Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am midnight drunk by noon
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
