found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
