I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
