I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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