I just pynch a tree in the face
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
