I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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