If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
