We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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