I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
