nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
