I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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