sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
