My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
