you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
