i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
