the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
