Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
