yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
kristin has been a bad kristin
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
