Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
