dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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