i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
