My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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