Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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