just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
