Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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