that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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