Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
