So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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