i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
