Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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