kristin has been a bad kristin
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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