Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
this just has baby written all over it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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