Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Randomize
