So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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