i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
