Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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