His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize