Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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