I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
