My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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