and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
