yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just high enough for therapy.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
