I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
