A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
