The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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