I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
