tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
