3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
