Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
