I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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