I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
