last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
