I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
