Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
