she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
