All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize